Voice Dysmorphia - How we can use Singing Lessons to Heal our Distorted Self Image

In our modern culture, most people are aware of Body Dysmorphia; The bizarre and delusional condition that leads to bulimia and anorexia. The precise definition is as follows: “Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.”

It is most often observed in Teen Girls who think they are fat when they are not. It's also common amongst aging rich women who get obsessed with lookng young. This leads to plastic surgeries that distort their appearance and ruin any trace of their natural beauty.

Truthfully, many people suffer from some form of this delusional self imaging in today's social media saturated society. They just can't see themselves objectively. Most forms are marked by an exaggeration of percieved negatives; in addition to a refusual to acknowledge or see their positive traits.

Well I've discovered a much less known form of this self-delusional condition. In fact I've coined the name for this close cousin of Body Dysmorphia. I conjecture to say Voice Dysmorphia is even more widely experienced as the same distorted self-image but applied to one's own voice.

As a music teacher for over 15 years, most students are so severe in their assessment that it cripples them in one way or another. They are embarrassed, ashamed and anxoius to sing, all based on a false perception.

Most of the students I see love singing. That's why they show up for lessons week after week. But their voice dysmorphia causes them so much needless personal pain. It directly inhibits their ability to fully enjoy their voice.

Voice Dysmorphia creates the same effect as a characature of their voice – purposely exaggerating the flaws to a ridiculous degree. It's as though they are looking into a fun house mirror when they sing. They cringe in horror at what they think they hear.

But it's not the reality. In my experience, they are almost always better than they assess. Whether they are a great singer or average, the dysmorphia consistently exaggerates the flaws and diminishes the vitues.

No where is this more true then when listening back to recordings – a practice that can greatly improve any music practice. Yet voice dysmorphia distorts the process. The flaws are exaggerated to such a degree that the student is discouraged, rather than being motivated to work harder. They end up feeling hopeless and self judgement so harsh that the student wants to quit singing all together.

I've seen this time and again, whilst I'm standing by, as the music coach. I'm doing my best to encourage. I offer grounded and objective feedback; with heaps of sunshine (see my blog for more on this subject). While there are always flaws to point out, it's never as bad as their assessment. But many times, the student can be so anxious and embarrassed that they are uninterested in being encouraged.

The truth is, even if the student's voice is rough, most of the times it's just out of shape. It will takes months of conditioning to really hear a student's potential. The only way to get better is to keep singing with the confidence and faith that the more you sing, the better you sing. Overly critical analysis, especially in the early stages of lessons, is counter productive as it leads so many to stop singing all together.

Voice Dysmorphia overshadows any fair critique of technique. I have students who hate their voice no matter how accomplished their technique. They can become so fixated on their distorted interpretation of their voice that their singing actually gets smaller and thinner; a self fullfilling prophesy.

Another way to look at it; it's as if they are too close to it. Putting a magnifying glass up to anything does distort the image. They can't zoom out and see the overall picture of expression and unique beauty. They are often comparing it to auto tuned voices on the radio and it's just not a fair comparision, nor realistic.

It's quite sad to witness someone undervalue their voice to such extreme. It's the tough part of my job.

It's especially tough since I suffered from it as well. So much so that I didn't even start singing solo until my 20's. I knew I had a good voice, but if I tried to share it or work on it, or focus on it too much, that nasty inner critic came out swinging. And I'd let it silence me again and again; for years and years.

Even after I got the confidence to share my voice, after many years of practice and study, Voice Dysmorphia still controlled me as it lurked in the shadows.

For example, though I know it improves my music to listen back to my recordings from professional rehearsals and performances. But I honestly just couldn't do it for so many years.

When I did muster the courage, I would easily come up with a list a mile long of all the shortscomings, but typically couldn't list anything positive at all. Most times, I judged it as an unworthy performance. Embarrassment and shame insued, sometime for days and weeks. My emotional response was out of proportion with reality. It tainted my view of my music and jeopardized the confidence I needed to get up on stage. This is why I avoided recordings all together.

Funny thing is; if I listened to that same recordings years later, I had a whole different reaction. The time and distance changed my perspective always to the positive. Though I would still hear mistakes and pitchiness, I would judge the overall performance as good. Often I'd be quite impressed with myself, especially when I remembered my initial reaction years prior.

How could this same recording produce such different reactions from me? And more so, how could this same effect happen over and over again?

Voice dysmorphia is my answer.

After many years of studying this condition, I can't offer an easy solution to it. I have seen that awareness does make a big difference. It's better to know this shadow side is there and face it. Otherwise, it can be secretly running you as a sabotaging program. Keeping you for experiencing the full joy of life that you deserve.

To bring my point home, let's look at this from the Music as a metaphor perspective. Your emotional responses that show up in your music practice are not there by accident. They can point the way to programs hiding in your subconscious based on early traumas and programs.

When we cringe at the sound of our own voice, it reflects deep dark emotions and long standing beliefs we hold about ourselves in general. Just as it distorts our assessment of our voice, surely it is distorting your image of yourself wholistically.

My theory is that most of us are being too hard on ourselves in general. We carry around guilt and self-hatred that is out of proportion to who we are in our heart of hearts.

This is one of the many reasons I advocate for adults taking singing lessons! Since we are all works in progress, singing lessons can be a wonderful way to get to know youself better, through your own voice.

We can use our reaction to our voice and our music as a mirror. We can learn about our deeply buried beliefs in a safe way and face them in the light of acceptance. It can be a daily experience that helps to heal old programs that delude our thinking of ourselves and our world.

With an encouraging teacher and mentor, you can bring these shadow to the light of consciousness and turn them into something beautiful. It takes courage to transcend your own low self-esteem, but it's comforting to know that so many of us must do this work to truly become the best version of ourselves.

I listen to recordings now with out all the torture, at least most days. I'm thankful I can hear my voice not through a distorted lens, but with a clean and renewed mirror. One that provides not only a grounded and mature vision of my music, but laced with love and kindness. I can hear the mistakes with out shame, with out cringing. It's just helpful information that will improve my next performance. The self-consciousness is gone, most days at least.

If it can heal me, something who was once so shy I wouldn't sing alone in front of anyone, then a singing practice can heal anyone. We all deserve to heal our trauma and shame. To see ourselves in the true light of who we are, in our heart of hearts.