You Are My Sunshine
Over the years, I've used a certain analogy So many times in my music lessons. Last week, when it came up with both students and then in conversation with a dear friend, I realized I wanted to write about it. By coincidence, I was editing this Video of Barry Kay and I singing you are my sunshine from a gig at Plainsboro Library last week. I love when life lines up in such obvious ways as to point me in the direction of where to focus my creativity each day, each week.
And it's this love and appreciation that I just felt that is the metaphorical sunshine I'm referring to when I talk about giving yourself sunshine to grow.
Just like plants, we need the sunlight to grow and expand.
When I'm teaching adults, they are daring to learn a skill that either they set aside long ago, or are starting from scratch. They want to become musicians. As well as grow in the possibilities and vision of who they are. Who they can be. This is such a noble pursuit. As I've said over and over again, learning an instrument is the gift that keeps on giving.
That is, as long as one is able to hang in there for the long haul. You see, learning an instrument is the opposite of instant gratification. It takes years and years of discipline and patience before the fruits of your labor are enjoyed.
However, this is also what makes it so fantastic. Because once you've reach a certain level (and I would say that level is when you truly like the music you create) then you just won't take it for granted. Many things in my life have come and gone, but I still love to sit down at that piano and sing. It connects me to such joy, that I could never explain in words.
And this is why it's so hard to see adult students struggling to enjoy the necessary and slow process. Their frustration is palpable. I assure them as much as they'll allow, that if they will just keep up a minimal effort for about 2 years, then things will start to grow exponentially.
But you'd be surprised just how hard those 2 years can be. The main reason, from my vantage point, is that most focus on all they can't do; all the ways they are coming up short. Universally, they feel shame that they aren’t practicing more. And make false calculations that if it took them this long to learn this one skill, then it will take forever to learn what they'd like to learn.
I remember well having these thoughts when I picked up the piano again in my early 20's. Even worse, I was plagued by thinking “just imagine where I would be, if I had only continued with my lessons.” That one thought took the wind out of my sails for years.
With all this focus place on futile thoughts, many unfortunately do not make that 2 years. They never get to see the fruits of their labor. And maybe even worse, it plays on their self esteem that they couldn't learn an instrument.
This is why this analogy is so important. I encourage my students to acknowledge these thoughts, accept their weaknesses. But continually bring back the focus to all the improvement they are making. This is the sunshine of their consciousness. And it helps to grow their new habits and skills at a lightening pace. Truly.
Let me give an example from a recent lesson. A student was about to play a song that he had been working on for a few months but had not played for me in at least a few weeks. He qualified it, before he even began, that probably he should have worked harder, ect, ect.
But when he played – it was night-to- day improvement since the last time I had heard it. He hardly looked at the page. Without even trying, the piece was almost memorized. His progress had been so incremental that he didn't even notice. He was hyper focused on all the mistakes he made. As happens to all of us, he couldn't see the forest for the trees.
When I was talking to my friend this week, I realized this is true for us in a bigger way. This is true when we are doing that spiritual shadow work in our personal lives. Our lives change so incrementally that it's easy to take for granted the personal growth we are making one day at a time. We don't notice because it's so natural and easy now. We forget how challenging it was for us. How much we intended and prayed to make a certain change.
You just don't feel the anger as much anymore. But you don't stop to give yourself credit because you're on to the next issue, trigger, ect. This is an easy trap to fall into. It's flawed in it’s imbalanced approach. And maybe worst of all, it locks out all the joy possible in the process.
This is why giving yourself sunshine is so important. Let's go back to music, which is always the perfect metaphor for life. When you use the magic of your consciousness to focus on the things you ARE doing well, then those things will grow in your life. For example:
-The hand position that is now coming so easily
-The expression that is coming through your voice and fingers as you don't have to concentrate SO much on the notes
-It's the way you can now play such beautiful p and f on a certain phrase
-It's how many ideas you are able to remember now as you improvise
-It's how you are now able to read the notes on the page so much more fluidly
-It's how much faith you have to set aside time to learn an instrument merely because you wanted to
There is always something to acknowledge. Over and over again this is what I must do for my students, shine the light on all they are doing well. It's easy for me to see their progress. It's much harder for them to see it.
And over and over again, I do this for my friends and family as we all get blinded by our failures, and miss the big picture of who we are, and what we mean to those we love.
The magic of our consciousness is our power. It is stronger than the sun and can transform our lives if we'll only master where we focus it. When we acknowledge our growth, then we invite more grown. What we pay our attention matters.
One criticism I'm faced a few times as a music teacher is that I'm not harsh or strict enough. And I can see the argument; that in order to pursue excellence in a musical instrument, students need to be pushed. That as a teacher, you must use your time (that you are being paid for) to point out all the things that need improvement. This is the best use of your time.
It's true that many students can't hear their mistakes. And it's perhaps true that some of the younger generation are being treated with kit gloves and getting insincere complements too much. I understand all these points of view, and do think they are valid.
However, I've met too many adults who were trained in the old school, strict manner and now won't even touch their musical instrument. When they play, all they hear is criticism.
For me, it was competition that made me want to quit piano as a girl. In my young mind, competition ruined music. It shouldn’t be subjected to that. It was something for all of us, and not to be judged as excellent or if not. It’s from a creative place beyond our judgement. This kind of thinking leads many to quit their instrument. They think, I'll never be Mozart, so why bother.
But to me, playing music is just part of being human. Doesn't matter the level. Through learning an instrument, both children and adults develop discipline, self esteem, and an outlet of honest expression. Maybe best of all, patience. These things are especially hard to point out, because they grow so steadily and naturally as part of a consistent practice. There is just no way to see happening. It's merely who this student has become.
But if I can help my students learn to give themselves sunshine, then they are learning how to focus their power as well. And this skill will help them become the best version of themselves. It will push them to grow, but in a loving, gentle way. And they will learn to shine for their whole lives.
I must be honest, I learned how to pour sunshine on others through my mother. She is truly gifted in this and gives it out freely to everyone she meets. She used to sing You Are Me Sunshine to me when I was little.
And I also must admit, that I'm better at giving it to others, then myself. But teaching music has deepened my faith in each of our ability to transform and grow. So I'll just settle into the connection I feel I write this knowing we are all taking it day by day.
